I blog every day. In my head. It's like there's this running commentary going on all the time. In my head. I'd like to write it all down because admittedly, some of this stuff is pretty good - insightful, witty, fluffy, serious...but the darn thing is, these thoughts float around while I am in the shower, or nursing, or wiping someone's butt, and then they die a sad, quiet death somewhere...in my head! And right now, I have a wonderful opportunity here to write something interesting (butts are wiped, tummies are full and I even managed a shower) and yet...nothing. Not a single one of those "blogs" has managed to resurrect itself. So here I sit, telling myself and asking myself at the same time, "Am I a writer? I am a writer! Am I a writer? I AM a writer!"
I'm not a fan of conflict so this inner battle is somewhat disturbing to me, but I suppose necessary as I find I am still trying to figure out who exactly I am. I love to write, have ALWAYS loved to write; I have volumes of journals to prove it. But if I no longer write, or only do so sporadically, am I a writer or just someone chasing a missed opportunity? Pretending to be someone I might have been?
I wrote a children's story in gr. 12 for a comparative civilizations class. I was proud of the story when I wrote it and was thrilled beyond belief when, beside the 30/30 I received on it, my teacher enthusiastically scribbled "This should be published!" I still have that copy with those words that make my heart pound. Guess what I did? I emailed a children's author who instructed a couple of writing workshops I took recently and ASKED HER TO READ IT - to tell me if this is something I should pursue with this particular piece of work. She said she'd be happy to read it if I send it to her at the end of May (she's busy with a book tour this month)! For two days after receiving her response I was on a high about this. Now I'm scared out of my mind. Who the heck do I think I am, going to send this story I wrote as a 17 year old, which having read over recently actually is not that great?!
So now what? "Am I a writer? I am a writer! Am I a writer? I AM a writer!" The battle wages on in my head.
I have about a week and a half to email it to her.
Sometimes I wonder if some thoughts I should just keep in my head.
This blog makes me feel like you know me inside-out...I often feel like I have a running blog in my head that never gets put down on paper...now, I leave post-its EVERYWHERE - my desk at work, my night-table etc...just in case a thought pops up while I am busy with daily activities..I can write it down and go back to it later!
ReplyDeleteThat's an awesome idea! A writing teacher I know keeps a little notebook on her at all times. Every time she gets an idea, or overhears something interesting, she jots it down along with a few other words that will help jog her memory later when she sits down to expand on them.
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