How I Got Here

Tomorrow evening is my first public reading - I have written 3 pieces in response to an exhibit in the art gallery of the Jewish Community Centre. This is huge to me on many levels.
First and foremost, it is a public acknowledgement of the joy that writing gives me and that I accept this joy as a gift from the Universe i.e. I deserve to be happy in the way that writing makes me. It is not a self-indulgent activity for hippie-types or people who waste time by dreaming. It is a necessary part of my life - and yes, I am a dreamer but I wouldn't have all the wonderful things in my life if I didn't dream them up first. I am sure of that.
Second, it is my gift in gratitude back to the Universe. This is why:
In the summer of 2008 I was in a very difficult period in my life. My mom's health was failing rapidly. My father-in-law had unexpectedly passed away months before after he and my husband were finally reunited. I had come to a realization that since the beginning of time, I had based my ultimate decisions on and lived my life for my parents. Living one's life for anybody else is never a good idea. Basing your decisions on ideologies and values that clash with your own internal rhythms is a disaster. My body was telling me I wasn't handling all these simultaneous events very well. And in the midst of all of this, I had given birth to my beautiful baby girl, had been through what every first time parent goes through - the shock of sleep deprivation, the unexpected challenges of breastfeeding, anxiety over the decisions to be made regarding another human being's life. Thank God for my baby girl. She was a catalyst to my new life and without her, I doubt I would have been reunited with my creative joy. As she rested on my chest, whether during the day or night, ideas would come to me: stories, visual art, interior decor, the rooms of my dream home (I'm writing from one of them now...visualized right down to the wrap-around porch outside the french doors of my studio). Was it the fact that I was forced to sit in quiet so as not to wake her? Or was it her own creativity that reached in me, awakened what was lying dormant and encouraged it to come out and play? Whatever it was - I am so thankful for it.
A second catalyst was Lindsay. An old friend from high school who allowed me to be my creative self. We shared poems and heartaches and much more. We lost touch after high school which I had always thought was unfortunate. I kept every single poem she wrote and tucked it away in my old journals. And then, God bless Facebook, she returned to my life like a gust of wind! She literally walked into my home one day that year, shook me out of my creative slump, gave me the names of two inspiring writing coaches and a hug for good measure. Lindsay is a force that connects me to my Writer. I am so grateful for her. She's a damn good writer too. www.lindsaydiehl.com
By December 2008 I had made a written commitment to myself to get back to the three things of necessity to the maintenance of my Self: writing, music (particularly playing an instrument) and volunteering.
Here I am in January 2011 - almost 3 years after probably the lowest point of my life. The climb up was steady with a setback here and there but all in all, the view is looking pretty good from here (praise God). When I received the invitation to read my work, after I got over the shock, I sent my thanks to the Universe for listening to me the day that I wrote down my commitment to my Self. I acknowledged the Universe's commitment to me.
Friends have asked me if I am nervous for tomorrow and the truth is I'm not. I think that's because whether or not people enjoy my work, the point of this reading is really a test of my ability to accept a challenge set out partly by me, and always, always delivered by the Universe.
Thanks for reading...