More Proof That Somebody Is Listening

The month of October floated by like leaves dancing past my window, leaving behind rotting pumpkins and orange potted Gerbers on my porch. But no blog post. Behind the scenes, though, the Universe has been busy lining things up for me and I'd like to share this with you.
Since my mother's 6 month anniversary in September, I have told myself that I need to let go of some of the more difficult details of the last few years of her life. There are several defining moments that I can re-live at will, and sometimes when I least expect to. They take me away from my present whether I am washing dishes, cooking, driving or doing other automated tasks. I need to lay these memories to rest on paper, just as my mom is at peace now. Her struggle is over, and now I need to end my own struggle with her disease.
The thought of writing about my journey through my mom's illness has been a butterfly - delicate, beautiful...and fleeting! It would exist just long enough for me to acknowledge it, and then be chased away by that part of me that insisted on holding on to unnecessary pain. As the weeks went by, though, my focus shifted to the weightlessness of the butterfly; that's what I want to feel when I think about my mom, free to remember her in a healthy and more fulfilling way. And of course, here's where the Universe kicked in to gear.
I was perusing the Places for Writers facebook page a couple of weeks ago as I do every so often. Places for Writers posts calls for mostly literary submissions to various publications around the world, particularly in Canada and the U.S. As I scrolled down and skimmed through the descriptions of prose and poetry sought by magazines, my eyes nearly popped out of my head when they landed on a call for 750 words max. on the loss of a mother. And that familiar feeling of serendipity crept over me and planted itself square in my chest. It's exactly what I need: somebody wants to know about my experience in losing my mother, somebody is expecting that I do it and, in this case, somebody is expecting that I submit it by December 1! It is my deep conviction that that "somebody" in this case had to take the form of an online magazine publisher as part of the Universe's promise to me to provide me with what I need.
I have begun this painful and relieving process of pinning to the page this whimsical creature. I don't expect it to be easy and I know I will have to make conscious efforts to follow through with this heavy task. But I am accountable to the Provider, to my Self and to my daughter. I owe it to my daughter to model a creative and healthy life. She knows my sadness and I will never pretend to her or myself that I am not feeling the loss of my mother. I think that the loss of my mother and my grief and anger over her disease are two different things.
My hope in turning my visual memories into words is that I find peace with my mom's suffering and ultimately, my own. I need to make room for more enjoyable memories like belting out Hindi film songs with the sunroof open, my mom reassuring me that one year I'd have a date for New Years (thanks, Mom!), watching my mom climb on a horse's back on a family trip and her amusing usage of English expressions that seriously made me question her British education :)
I think I'm on my way.
Thank you for reading...