A Milestone For Me

Ever since my daughter was born, 4 years and 1 day ago, I have been praying for her to grow. She was born at 35 weeks, weighing 5 lbs 4.5 oz and even though the nurses and doctors said that was a respectable size at her gestation age, I prayed "Grow! Please let her grow so we can take her home soon" - and then when we were home it became "please let her grow so she can feed easier." This was followed by please let her grow so she can: sit on her own, walk on her own, feed herself, communicate easier, understand more, pee in the potty, dress herself, play with friends, go to school...

On Sunday, the eve of her 4th birthday, we celebrated at a local community centre with close friends and family. The group has now expanded to include the friends she has made at preschool. And guess what? She sat on her own, walked on her own, stuffed her face with pizza and cupcakes on her own, told her friend she was "frustrated" because she didn't ring the bell on the playhouse, understood that she needed to apologize for that when her friend cried, came home and peed in the potty and then put on her clothes again by herself just as she had done that morning. On her own. So, of course, upon realizing all of this on Sunday night when the last of our family left our home, I cried. My prayers had been answered and I had been too busy praying for the next milestone to remember to say "thanks." I'm not saying I haven't appreciated that she can do all these things along the way. I just have not taken that step back and expressed my gratitude to the Universe for this whole package that is my daughter. I have been busy looking at bits and parts of her, whatever was in need of something or taking up all my energy and patience. But I hadn't remembered what she was and what she's become until now.

I am not going to say I wish I could go back and appreciate every achievement in the moment. Heck no! When parents tell me to enjoy it, it goes so quickly, I try very hard not to laugh in their forgetful faces. Besides, I now have number 2, my son, with whom I get to go through everything...again! From diapers to tantrums, I'm still right there :)

No, I don't want to turn back time with my girl. I want to keep looking forward, taking opportunities every so often to enjoy how far she's come. She's my first baby - my teacher about the depths of a mother's love, the life-altering shift of responsibilities, the importance of balance, and so much more.

As we got ready for her party on Sunday, she told me "Don't worry, Mommy, I'll still be your baby even when I'm 4!" and I quickly replied, "You will still be my baby even when you're 94!" and then I felt that pang. You know, that one-day-I-won't-be-physically-with-you kind of pang. And in that moment, I grew too, just a little more.

Thanks for reading...