The End, The Beginning

As you know, I didn't really do NaBloPoMo the way it was intended. I didn't blog every day in November to these random, and honestly not entirely enticing, prompts. But it was a good exercise; it brought me back to this blog that I have been missing for some time. Now that I have been hanging out in the blogosphere and seeing what can be done with blogs, aesthetically and content-wise, I'd like to spend more time here, spruce her up a bit, give her the love and attention she deserves for being my first blog-baby. I just went back a couple years and read some posts from then. I was thick in the midst of an emotional forest and this blog made it a safe and even beautiful hike through. My goal is to have this blog represent all the different parts of ME: the writer, the musician, the yogi, the mother, the wife, the friend. I'm still getting in touch with some of the parts of ME that were buried under external expectations and my own mistaken beliefs. Hopefully this blog will evolve as I do and can continue to be my companion.

As for NaBloPoMo, I learned that if I don't feel like writing to a handed-down prompt, I won't do it. Or I'll do it but it'll be a shoddy job. So, was it a waste of time? Not at all; it was a good lesson. I'm starting to come into my own as someone who can't be forced or feel obligated to do something. If somehow I manage to convince myself that I just need to get it done, it'll end up being less than my best. At the same time, trying something new, even if I kick and scream in protest the whole time, can be an experience worth writing about. I'd like to try NaBloPoMo again next year. I just hope the prompts are more exciting. In the meantime, I'll be looking for other blogging challenges.

Certainly, hanging out more here at The Artist's Loft has been an excellent reminder of what kind of writer I am and what kind of writer I want to be. I still have such a long way to go in shaping that part of ME but the journey is a thrill. Anyway, let's see where this goes.

New Rules

OK, so here's the deal. I didn't officially register for National Blog Posting Month, aka NaBloPoMo, only because I missed the deadline to do so! However, I said I would write to each prompt and just sort of "catch up." Yeah, that's not happening. First of all, I'm getting confused. And I'm thinking, there are so many things I have to keep track of, why am I adding something to my list? At the rate I'm going, I'd have to crank out 2 or more blog posts a day to catch up and I don't want to just be spewing out crap for the sake of saying "I did it." So, I'm making up some new rules here, seeing as this is pretty much my own game anyway.

From today, I will blog to the prompt assigned for each corresponding day (no more confusion!) and if I have some spare time I will go back and blog to the ones I missed. Maybe even after the month is over. Sounds good to me. And look what I figured out how to do...I don't need to re-type each prompt!



Yes, I have faced fears before; in fact, I feel like I do that on a regular basis. I fear looking like an idiot, yet I push past that pretty much every time I post a blog, both here and on Let ME Out! But probably my biggest fear is that I am going to get to the end of my life and wish I had done things differently. That would suck. There are a few things in my past that I sometimes look back on and think, I wonder what would have happened if I had done X instead of Y. But overall, I'm happy with where I am in my life at this point and know that all the events of my life including the outcomes of my decisions, have led me here. That's kind of oversimplifying things, but the prompt isn't asking me to divulge my regrets and how I've come to terms with some of them to the extent that I have. Lucky for you!

Still - there is room for error. I can't say I've overcome this fear of screwing things up/missing an opportunity/growing into a big ball of regret, but I am learning to accept the imperfection that is being human. And hopefully, when I'm letting go of this life in a warm bed at some point in my 90s, looking forward to going Home and having a good rest, there won't be anything major holding me back. Hopefully by that time, all that I would have needed to make peace with will be dealt with.

Facing fears is an active process and for me a daily process but it can be the fuel for a happier, fuller existence, especially if your biggest fear is settling for less.

The Balancing Act

NaBloPoMo's Prompt for Monday November 7: Making family time is important to me. How do you balance your children, relationship and work life? (guest post by Ricki Lake)

This is the question of my life. It's especially difficult, I think, when my work is something I absolutely love and want to do all the time. Being a writer and a creative life coach, my work is about passion: spending time with my own creative Self, helping others remember and release theirs, and connecting with people who are passionate about passions too. It's hard not to want to be immersed in that all the time. But spending time with my children and husband is more than just about squelching the guilt of neglecting them while I happily buzz about my business. My children and my husband give me a lot to write about! They inspire me to work hard and take care of myself so that I am a healthy role model for my children. Working on my patience is a separate post entirely.

I enjoy my husband's company; we started off our marriage as dreamers and we continue to do this together and support each other in seeing these dreams come true. Maintaining the balance is important. That being established, how does it happen in my house?

Well, the self care has become surprisingly easier these past few months. I committed to yoga classes at a local studio and, because I bought the monthly pass which is only worth it if I take at least two classes a week...I end up at the studio twice a week! My husband and I compare schedules every Sunday night (he sometimes has to see clients in the evenings during the week) and I select my yoga classes based on the nights he's home. It took some getting used to for me to leave him to put two sometimes cranky children to bed alone, but once I mentally got over that it became pretty easy - sometimes all you can see is a cloud of dust from where I take off running out the door! Taking care of myself and doing the things I enjoy doing on my own also got a lot easier after my husband started doing the same. Neither one of us feels like we're getting the shorter end of the stick because, for the most part, we each get a similar amount of time for our own enjoyment.

Since this past summer especially, we have taken people up on their offer to babysit and have spent more time alone together than we have in awhile. We also reserve at least one week night per week, if not more, to hang out after the kids go to bed.

My work time is a lot more limited than I'd like but this is because I have chosen not to put my son in daycare and my daughter is in preschool only in the mornings. Sometimes I am not sure why I decided this! But most of the time I know it's because they'll "only be this young once" and that one day they will both be in school full time (September 2015 to be exact). So I take advantage of the fact that my son sleeps in and I work from the time my daughter gets picked up for school (8:30am) till I have to wake my son to get ready for our end of the carpooling bargain, about 10:30am. I take 15 minutes of that time to shower and dress. I'd rather take a quick shower and work longer. Hey, at least I'm getting my showers in! I also have about 7 hours per week of babysitter and grandparent time (total). Needless to say, I have to take a little bit of time on weekday evenings and weekends to do a few things that don't end up getting done during the week. Especially because my work time includes: writing and all that goes with the business, being a speech therapist, and a lot of the house-hold related business. Except for the finances...thankfully I married a financial planner who actually is quite passionate about his work!

So would I say my life is properly balanced? In the overall picture, yes. Is there anything I wish I could do more of and anything I wish I could do less of? Yes - my problem is not finding ways to add family time to the week; it's finding ways to add work time. But then, I think that's kind of a good problem to have.

Committing To Writing For Me

I started this blogging journey just over 2.5 years ago, at a very significant time in my life. Significant for many reasons. Since then my life has changed drastically and I have moved forward on many levels; I am also a lot more aware of where my challenges lie and of the work I have yet to do. It's all good stuff.
This past summer I started a new career path as a creative life coach, bringing to it all of the experiences I have learned from - scrapes, bruises, cuts and all. This new path has opened up doors for me and most importantly has renewed my commitment to my Self on a whole new level.
And so, further to that commitment, I am going to be showing up here a lot more often! This is where it began, this is the blog that fueled me, fortified me and reminded me of who I was. And now I'm going to have fun with it...starting with participating in NaBloPoMo, at least on an unofficial level since I missed the deadline to register! Oops...next time! For now, I will write to the prompts provided and just enjoy my writing practice, something I've been missing in the last little while.

NaBloPoMo's Prompt for Tuesday November 1st: What is your favourite part about writing?

My favourite part about writing is that it makes me feel like I'm a real live person. I am more than the thoughts in my head - I am a person that houses nouns, verb, adjectives and everything else that spills from the tips of my fingers as they fly across these keys. Writing is my best friend, my security blanket, my launching pad, my platform. When I write, I am 10 years old starting my first journal and I am 100 years old at the same time. What I love about writing is I can say things like that and it feels right to me, and when someone comes along and reads it and goes, "Hey, I get that. I feel that way, too."...well, that's the magic of writing.